Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Why didn't she ever tell me her secrets

I hope I am not getting on your nerves with all this Wunderkind talk but for some reason, the book really spoke to me. I keep re-reading my favorite passages and have so many questions about it, because of it.

Photo c/o Lost Bulgaria

In the following passage, the main character Konstantin is reflecting on the ethereal nature of his relationship with his girlfriend:
But why did I know so little about Irina's personal life, how she lived, what she did on weekends and holidays, where she liked to walk after practicing at night, whether she ever confided in her mother, whether she ever went to he movies, whether she ever thought about me when she was away from school? Why didn't she ever tell me her secrets? And why didn't I share mine? Perhaps our interior life was the only space that hadn't yet been nationalized and so we guarded it maniacally, shielding it even from our lovers' eyes. We hoarded our demons privately, in the darkest corners of our souls.

In an earlier conversation someone wrote that we can't blame communism for every misfortune that happened but also need to be aware that it was perhaps "the greatest amplifier". Which is pretty much how I feel about it.

Living in the United States and witnessing the madness dubbed "discussion over the meaning of marriage", one can certainly imagine how one's relationship would be significantly shaped by politics, right? And I often find myself wondering whether mine would be any different had we chosen to stay back in Bulgaria or had we lived in a different time.

Boggles the mind, I know. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, you shouldn't have quoted me.. I made so many mistakes :)

    I don't know if you're getting on your readers's nerves but you're definitely a suspect now for having a crush on the wunderkind (or wunderkinds in general). Intriguing passage though... In this light I can see a contrast between the complex personalities and the common folks who are eager to voluntarily nationalize their own inner spaces, because it's the only way someone would be compelled to have a touch with them. And this is especially true for the russians and their satellites. It's a fertile soil for commune-based societies.

    Thinking about America I vaguely remember that our Grandpa Vazov have written something about the youthful nation beyond the ocean and how its inherent teen behaviour has always been attractive to us, Bulgarians (obviously growing into a lifetime dream for many). Maybe it's what makes us look-alike. But unless the Church has transformed itself into an absolute authority with a compulsory canon education and holy secret police all parallels between our countries during the Cold War fails.